


That Drunk Chocobro Fic

by Schalakitty, wickedorin



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alcohol, Attempt at Humor, Drunk Magic, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Making Out, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 06:07:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8478208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schalakitty/pseuds/Schalakitty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedorin/pseuds/wickedorin
Summary: Gladio tries to introduce the other bros to scotch and it goes about as well as you expect. Basically, everything you've come to expect of us but just drunk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Schala here. So we're not above being ~~coerced~~ persuaded to write fics, including silly, humorous ones. This was inspired by [a post by RoyalDumpTruck on Tumblr](http://royaldumptruck.tumblr.com/post/151691882958/ffxv-as-types-of-drunks), outlining what the Chocobros would be like when drunk. And we simply ran with the idea through our polyship field and ended up with this silliness. We hope you will enjoy. 
> 
> As always, Noctis and Prompto are written by Orin and Ignis and Gladiolus are written by Schala. S-E owns FFXV and we're just trying to stave off our eventual emotional ruin.

Even under the circumstances, they could still treat themselves now and again. And only fair for them to trade off as the one treating the rest. Though, it usually ended up as a real treat for the buyer - sure, Gladio liked chocolate, but he didn't quite understand Iggy's obsession with cordials. But now that it was his turn, it was time to introduce them all to the simple pleasure of a premium scotch on the rocks.

At least... that had been the plan.

It was pleasant enough, really. Sort of. Noctis had managed to drink the stuff with minimal disgusted face twisting, finally finding something that was worse then coffee... but after the first few swallows, it went down pretty smoothly. _That_ was kind of the problem, the prince barely sitting in his chair, swooning a little, smiling suggestively at everyone. And potentially everything. "Is it hot in here or..?" He asked no one directly, jacket having already been shed, shirt... taking a lot longer to get over his head than he ever remembered it doing before. What a difficult shirt.

"Noct... _Noct_ ," Ignis unhelpfully repeated even as he very helpfully moved to pull that shirt back down. At least low enough to retain the modesty of the prince's nipples. "Please, retain some.... _decorum_." Even if it was only the four of them in the hotel room, there were certain standards to meet. And even if some of them proved harder to remember as the adviser tried to regain his balance. Luckily, his gymnastics training meant that he rarely got dizzy... just a touch woozy.

"Can't you see that the child wants to be free Ig'is." Prompto responded over-dramatically, not really meaning anything by it. Not really meaning all that much at all, just leaning against the table for a moment before picking up his empty glass yet again. "Hey, this 'sawful, can I have more?"

He glanced between the bottle and the blond, seriously considering his answer. This was _good scotch_ \- just the right mix of spicy and sweet and rich oak notes. With a noncommittal grunt, Gladio poured his friend another shot. "Anyone else?" He invited while refilling his own glass.

"It's hot." Noctis didn't actually answer, but did slide his glass over to the bodyguard. Before leaning forward on the table and giving his best charming drunken smile. "And so are _you_."

He really shouldn't. He shouldn't give more alcohol to anyone with divine magic also running through their veins. But Gladio himself wasn't thinking completely straight himself in more ways than one. "You already told me that," he pointed out as he poured the shot. "And I already know it."

Prompto, who had only been staring at his glass rather than drinking its contents, burst into surprisingly pleasant laughter. Then nearly fell out of his chair, managing to right himself at the last moment. After a few seconds of putting his hand over his chest as though he'd just escaped certain death, he asked a little sleepily, "Is it hot in here?"

"You two need to stop flirting," Ignis tried to admonish, right before swallowing down his drink. "You're getting _married_ , Noct. You should be _concerned_. I'm concerned _for you_." _Like always_ , the nagging voice of his conscious eagerly filled in.

"I'm getting married." The prince repeated slowly. "Am I the only one getting married?"

"Probably." Prompto responded, only half paying attention. "Wait, are we all getting married?"

Noctis took a dainty little sip of his alcohol and made a slightly pained sound. "We _should_. Iggy, let's get married."

For a long moment, the world simply stop spinning. Holding tightly to his empty shot glass, Ignis tried to sort through the swirling thoughts and emotions those four words awakened. "Noct... Noct we _can't_ ," he managed, voice uncharacteristically tight. "I'd.... No, you're already betrothed so... we _can't_."

Trying to diffuse the increasingly awkward situation, Gladio teased, "Too bad, you're total marriage material, Iggy." And maybe no one would notice him collecting glasses if they were all focused elsewhere.

"Why can't we... _all_ get married..." The prince laid his head on the table with a light thunk.

He was a little slow at noticing it, sure, but when Prompto registered the look on Ignis' face, he was right there with a hand on the brunet's shoulder. Even if he was poised rather precariously on his own chair. "Hey, Iggy. S'okay, right? We can... make new rules. It'll be fine." Well, _he_ knew what he was talking about. He thought. "Right, Noct? New rules?"

"New rules." Noctis repeated, head still against the table. "I'll make degrees. Decrees." He corrected himself. "It's really hot--" But it was in lifting his head that he just sort of... warped. Right through the table. Leaving him sprawled and unconscious on the floor.

"Alright, alright, I think we've all had enough," Gladio declared, quickly asserting some authority just as a loud drunk snore cut off the other's startled sounds. Even if he needed to check his balance before and after hauling Noct into his arms, he could still confidentially promise, "I'll get Sleeping Beauty here to bed."

Prompto watched as Noctis' eyelids didn't so much as flutter, snoring loudly as Gladio moved him. Still incredibly hazy as he was, the blond moved to fully throw an arm around Ignis. Then simply abandoned his chair altogether as the useless thing tipped over again. "Hey, Ig. It'super hot in here, but. We love you, y'know? Not drunk love. You cook for us. It's love."

He wouldn't indulge normally, but right then the blond's physical contact provided so much solace. "I know, I know," he murmured, wrapping his arms around Prompto. "He didn't mean to be cruel... it's simply the hand dealt to us." And normally he would not change it for anything, but right then....

And almost instantly, the gunner had gone from supportive friend to leaning into Ignis with a little sniffle. "We sh'd have our own kingdom. Where we can all get married and have cake. Why can't we have cake every day, Ignis?" That... hadn't actually been what he'd meant to ask, but so many thought trains had derailed at that point, he didn't bother to follow any one in particular. He just hugged the adviser and heard a little more snoring on the other side of the room. The words were so soft, not really sure if anyone else could hear them: "Don't wanna be left behind."

They were both clinging to each other at that point, Ignis rubbing over the blond's back in comforting circles. "Never... we'll _never_ leave you behind," he murmured, the words soft and reassuring. "Come what may, we are our own _kingdom_. We are each other's _home_." There could be no other truth for them, regardless of what the world had in store for them.

There was a rather loud sniff from Prompto, clinging to Ignis and then making a noise not unlike some small disgruntled animal with a stuffy nose. "Yeah. Yeah, I got it. You're a good adviser, y'know that?"

"'Course he is," Gladio promised as he returned to the table, prince draped over the bed for the moment. Wrapping both sappy, drunk friends in his arms, he rubbed over both of their backs until they relaxed. "You're both good guys... I just can't let you into my scotch again for while."

Having regained some level of composure, Ignis managed to reply, "Well, that's why I normally keep to the wine, isn't it?" Still, he appreciated the comfort they both offered when he needed it.

The blond, it appeared, found that hilarious for a number of seconds. Then the laughs trailed off into another sniffle. "You just want to keep the good booze to yourself." Not that he was really accusing Gladio... mostly. Not enough to keep on the subject. "How's Noct?"

Glancing over his shoulder at an interrupting snort, he assessed, "He's fine. Should be dozing off soon." With a little hair ruffle, Gladio promised, "And you get the good booze when you can handle it, lightweight."

Following the line of sight to the bed, the adviser had to gently argue, "That didn't sound like his sleeping snore." And few knew the lexicon of princely snores like Ignis Scientia.

There was certainly a _louder_ snore, something that actually sounded like it was a desperate need for air before it calmed into a mild murmur. All very false assurances as suddenly the empty chair _wasn't_ anymore in a flurry of blue, and while it might have been quite impressive if Noctis had simply successfully taken his seat... he'd managed to somehow partially trip over it while warping, landing in the chair with a thud and a little flurry of arm waving before coming to be safe and still. "'M not done. Are we done? Did we finish?"

A long moment of silence passed over the others, still in the midst of their group hug. Ignis spoke up first, finally realizing the implications of someone with that much magical power being drunk, "We've taken all his flasks, right?"

"I am a responsible adult, Ignis." And, really, the prince made an incredible effort to sound sober. He just obviously didn't look it, completely shattering the not-quite-illusion a second later, "I don't _need_ a flisk. Flask. I can drink from anything."

His mouth drawn into a tight line at the poor attempt at humor, Gladio then promised, "I made sure they were empty before packing them up. We don't need a repeat of the _Ice Cube Incident_." With an involuntary shiver at the thought, he then moved to get the prince some water to stave off tomorrow's hangover.

"You say that like you weren't--" Noctis had started, then trailed off. "Hey, what was--"

"Don't worry about it, Noct." Prompto tried to divert the conversation, clapping the prince on the shoulder. Then realizing his mistake, quickly reaching out to right his friend back on the chair. "Wanna talk about fishing?"

" _We should go fishing._ " Came the immediate suggestion in an over-excited tone, before Noctis simply leaned against the gunner. "Or skinny dipping. That'd be better." After a beat, he added, "Is it hot in here?"

"Alright, champ, let's get you settled down," Gladio cut in, handing over the glass of water. "No skinny dipping tonight, alright?"

Rubbing over the prince's back to encourage him to settle down, Ignis joined in, "The most we can promise is a bath so that will have to suffice."

There was a very defined pout in Noctis' face as he took that water, but he elected to drink instead of argue. There, surely that would have everyone a little less likely to tell him what he ought to be doing... especially when he put the glass down and leaned toward Ignis. "Think it might be hot in here because of _you_ , Iggy." He tried, voice low and little hoarse because of the alcohol and almost-sleep.

As those arms wrapped around him, teasing and inescapable, Ignis knew he should tell him to stop. But after that brush with harsh reality, he was feeling rather more willing than he should. Well, just a tiny taste was certainly allowed. A little smidgen of comfort and affection in a harsh and unforgiving world. "And? Are you going to actually do something about it?"

Off to the sidelines, Gladio couldn't help a little eye roll as he commentated to Prompto, "And Noct flashes the bedroom eyes and Iggy's down for the count."

"I kind of want to record it someday." The blond admitted, trying to keep his whispering _actual_ whispering. He was sobering up, sure, but it was still... taking a while. "This is something to study."

Noctis didn't even hear them; at least not clearly enough to let them interrupt. He nuzzled lightly into Ignis cheek, the side of his neck... honestly there wasn't really thought involved in the kiss, the act of moving to press his lips against the brunet's was only natural. Too natural and perfect to ignore.

And Ignis could allow himself this little indulgence. This small dalliance. Just for now, for these short private moments between the four of them. He'd have to give up Noct sooner rather than later, but for right now they could simply _savor_. From the warmth of the prince's hands about his neck and shoulder to the taste of spiced scotch on their lips....

While he wasn't much into voyeurism, it seemed unfair to intrude on them. "Too bad Iggy would kill you if you tried." And when the blond gave him a skeptical look, Gladio continued, "Seriously, one of those daggers kicked right into your pretty face, no mercy."

Prompto looked a little more pale all of a sudden, glancing back at the two "lovebirds" drunkenly making out. Ignis could even make that look just a little bit elegant, dammit. "I think you pictured that way too easily." He accused Gladio first, drawing back the slightest bit. "But yeah, probably right. And that's really not the way I want to go."

One hand lightly wound in Ignis' hair, the prince was utterly unconcerned with the world around them. There was only the other man in front of him, chasing sounds and flavors, working his way past those lips with the single-minded focus of trying to get the brunet to be a lot less proper...

And it worked so very well when Ignis' defenses were down, easily following the prince's lead. So utterly _dangerous_ to go down this rabbit hole and yet.... and yet... he always gave in to Noctis in the end.

Feeling a bit responsible for spooking the blond, Gladio wrapped an arm around him once more. "Ah, I'll protect you, kid." With a little flash of his smile and a playful flex, he was sure that would set Prompto at ease. Had always worked in the past after all.

Leaning into Gladio's hold was easy enough, of course; the guy was strong and enormous. And warm, besides. Actually, it was all kind of... really nice. Being protected. "You better." The gunner responded a little sleepily, moving to cling onto that arm. "I mean I know you've got a prince to protect too, but... I'm pretty small."

While everyone could think what they wanted about that, about Noctis being little more than a royal brat and taking every advantage presented to him... well, they weren't always wrong. But he did appreciate it, even in that state of mind, the way Ignis opened himself up. Allowed, gave silent permissions. That was just so... perfectly desired and comfortable and he wanted more, pulling the other man closer.

But that little tug instead led to tumble directly into Ignis' arms, their kiss breaking off abruptly. Over the protests of the others, the adviser waved off their concerns as he assured, "I've got him. And I'm taking him to _bed_."

The tone was enough to settle Gladio's concerns, visibly relaxing after that scare. "Nothing _too_ strenuous though," he teased, managing a playful smile as they started to shuffle over. Turning his attention back to Prompto, he gently squeezed that trim waist while suggesting, "And if I am going to look after you, I think that means taking you to bed too."

"But." Prompto actually protested automatically, honestly not having anything else to say. That sort of surprised him, blinking, feeling a little less sober than he had just a moment ago. Well, that was the _plan_ , of course, and Gladio was just so warm... ready for cuddling... "Well. I mean. I guess." He didn't quite _fully_ agree with a little lopsided grin.

For Noctis' part, he didn't protest. He didn't offer any resistance at all, but he was decidedly awake as Ignis helped him to the bed, sober enough to know when it was safe to flop forward onto a soft mattress even if the adviser fussed. Granted, the signs of alcohol still firmly in his bloodstream remained obvious enough. "Don't think either of us can _do_ a lot in bed r'now, Iggy."

Kicking off his shoes, Ignis carefully settled down beside the prince. "That's not the point of going to bed, Noct," he murmured even while wrapping his arms about the other. "You need to _actually_ sleep."

Easily taking up the other side of their makeshift, shoved together "double bed," Gladio laid back to actively welcome the blond on top of him. "Come on, we can all snuggle," he invited, already scooting a little closer to the other pair.

There wasn't any pretense of hesitation from the gunner, only too pleased to crawl on top of Gladiolus. Literally. At least he remembered to keep his knees away from anything vital as he settled on top with a sound of deeply pleased relaxation. And absolutely refused to make any bets as to who would have to get up to use the bathroom first.

Noctis made a disagreeable grunt, but still didn't see fit to argue as he moved a bit to get more comfortable. Really, he _was_ a little sleepy, and Ignis felt good next to him. The bodyguard practically gave off heat at a distance, and _that_ was kind of nice too, then Prompto reached out for just a light tussle of his hair and... no, arguing was the furthest thing from his mind, eyes already stubbornly closing. "If y'insist."

He waited a few minutes, just long enough for the prince's breathing to even out. "So, I'll select the treat next time?" Ignis inquired in a whisper, ever so subtly teasing the bodyguard about his choices. Which weren't poor on their own... merely in regards to the self-control of their younger companions.

"Better not just be fancy-ass coffee," Gladio shot right back, one hand idly sliding over the gunner's back as he drifted off. "I don't want to deal with these two wired up next time." And yet, the fondness in his voice indicated that it would hardly be a chore.

Able to scoot over just enough to keep his hold on Noct while leaning against the bodyguard, he assured, "Of course not. I'd want some fancy-ass cordials as well." Somehow, they managed to keep the following snorts quiet and the shifting into a quick kiss subtle enough so as not to disturb the other two amid their drunken slumber.

 


End file.
